Quiet: The Power Of Introvert In the World that Can't Stop Talking - Susan Cain

Quiet: The Power Of Introvert In the World that Can't Stop Talking

What does “Quiet” by Susan Cain can teach you

If you’re someone who is quite introverted yet you’re always being told to talk a little more, don’t be so rude, or you’re sick of being labelled “shy” Quiet is a book which will open your eyes. Introverts aren’t always shy people and most of the time they simply prefer their own company and a little time in nature to destress and feel whole.

“Quiet” helps you understand your introverted nature in a way which no other book has before, and within it, you’ll learn about power you never knew existed within you.

Who are you? Your personality shapes your entire existence

What makes you who you are? Is it your background? Your culture? Your race? Your likes and dislikes? All of these contribute to a certain degree, but none more than your overall personality type. Introverts and extroverts are at opposite ends of the personality spectrum, the north and south of the personalty world. Of course, you can place yourself anywhere along the spectrum, but you’re either one or the other.

Whether you are introverted or extroverted has a huge effect on your life, how you deal with things, how you make friends, how you deal with problems, how you love, how you picture yourself. The confusing thing about it all is that scientists still don’t completely understand what makes us one or the other, and how it all comes to be. Despite that, much of it is thought to be down to the brain and the nervous system.

Throughout “Quiet”, our author explains how introverts and extroverts think, behave, and react differently to various situations. The most important thing to remember is that one is not superior to the other, however society would have you believe otherwise. Do you agree? Do you believe extroverts are more valuable than introverts?

Did you know? Many people fall somewhere between the introvert and extrovert category, simply exhibiting more traits of one than the other. The in-between type is called an ambivert.

The world needs a balance of both introverted and extroverted personalities

If that’s the case, if that is the social norm, how come so many people are introverted? We can’t all be extroverted, and we can’t fake a constant enthusiasm for something we simply don’t enjoy. Studies have shown that between one third and a half of all Americans are introverted. Of course, that doesn’t mean every one of those Americans is 100% introverted, because there are different degrees and sensitivities, but that is a huge number to take on board, especially when you consider America to be one of the most extroverted countries on the planet! The USA may appear extroverted, but there are more introverts than you think!

Our author calls this the effect of the “Extrovert Ideal”, an idea which has developed throughout history that extroversion is preferred over introversion. The problem is, if we didn’t have introverts, we would be missing some of the best brains the world has ever seen. If we didn’t have introverts, the world would never have read Harry Potter, we wouldn’t know about Peter Pan, and the theory of gravity and the theory of relativity? It would never have happened.

The idea that introverts are serious, boring, lazy, and dull needs to stop. By conforming to this idea, true introverts are forced to be something they’re not, perhaps thinking there is something wrong with them. As our author points out; the power of an introvert might be less obvious, but they are no less powerful.

Did you know? Introverts have a need to recharge themselves by spending time alone and within nature. Extroverts don’t seem to need the same time for recharge

Variety is the spice of life: How introverts and extroverts think differently

Actually defining whether someone is introverted or extroverted is difficult, and really comes down to the traits they show and what they consider themselves to be. In 1921, Carl Jung published the iconic “Psychological Types”, which outlined the two personality types and the facets which described each one. Whilst there is some debate amongst psychologists today over which parts are true and which may have changed over the years, most agree with the bulk of the content. There is also the Myers-Briggs personality test which is based on Jung’s ideas.

The problem with deciding what makes someone introverted and what makes them extroverted is that there is no set format, making it a very grey area. The main area of agreement is that introverts and extroverts need different amounts of stimulation in order to feel comfortable; introverts need less, and extroverts need more.

Introverts think in the following way:
• Work slowly and deliberately
• Focus and concentrate
• Prefer to work in solitude or in small groups
• Often think of the past or the future
• Often think of the past or the future.

Extroverts think in the following way:
• Rush through decisions
• Enjoy the thrill or rush
• Prefer to work with others, as part of a team
• Prefer to think and live in the moment.

Collaboration and brainstorming can be difficult for introverts, especially when there are large numbers of people around the table. In order for an introvert to be comfortable in this situation there should be the opportunity to seek out solitude when needed, e.g. a space to go to for a five minutes’ time out.

Did you know? Introverts usually need more time to themselves, but they can be equally as powerful as extroverts, provided the conditions are right

Are introverts born or developed?

There is a large debate into whether you are born an introvert, or whether this part of your personality is developed in your early years and throughout life. Our author questions whether her fear of public speaking was inherited from her mother, or whether it was something that developed over time.

A scientist at Harvard University, Jerome Kagan, did an extensive study into this over several years from 1989. In this study, 500 children were observed, all aged four months. Each child was exposed to different stimulatory situations, all of which were new to them, and their reactions were closely monitored, as well as heart rate, blood pressure, and temperature. A few years later, the children returned for another round of tests, and Kagan found that most had become either introverted or extroverted according to his predictions.

There are many studies which suggest introverts are born, not developed.

The reason this study was considered interesting is down to a part of the brain which governs emotions and reactions, called the amygdala. The amygdala is found within the limbic system, a part of the brain which is shared with primitive beings. This part of the brain was developed to help with basic survival; for instance, if someone throws something at you, this part of the brain tells you to duck, so you don’t get hit, and therefore survive.

Kagan considered that the children who had a high functioning amygdala, e.g. those who responded quickly and excitedly to the various stimuli, would turn out to be extroverted.

Despite that, Kegan believes that the rest of your personality development comes down to your surroundings and the things which happen throughout your life. You can stretch yourself so far and push yourself out of your comfort zone, but there is a point which will prevent you from being something you’re not; for instance, Bill Gates could never be like Bill Clinton, and vice versa.

How introversion and empathy share a close link

Many studies have shown that introverted people tend to have a high amount of natural empathy for others. This means they can almost feel the emotions of those around them, tuning in to their environment carefully.

In general, introverts are very sensitive and they take on and process information from what they see and feel very deeply indeed. An introvert can notice the smallest shift in someone’s mood, or the slightest change in the weather. As a result of this sensitivity and empathy, introverted people tend to have a very highly developed sense of conscience and as a result, they avoid any situations which could cause problems with that. You will also find that most introverts will avoid situations or even movies which contain confrontation or violence, because they feel the effects of it quite deeply

The role of dopamine in the extrovert’s desire for a thrill

An extrovert is far more likely to make impulsive, rash decisions compared to an introvert, and this is thought to be down to the amygdala and a chemical which is released in the brain, called dopamine.

The amygdala is contained within the older part of the brain, the part which was developed during the primitive days. This is the part which tells us to do things, be greedy, eat more, drink more, etc. This is the side of the brain which loves a thrill. The newer part of the brain was developed afterwards, and this is called the neocortex. The neocortex tells us to be cautious, to be careful, and to avoid problems which could become dangerous. The old and new parts work hand in hand, but the results aren’t always positive. As you can imagine, an extrovert is more sensitive to the old side of the brain, whereas an introvert is influenced far more by the neocortex.

The old part of the brain is responsible for releasing dopamine, which is considered to be a pleasure and reward chemical. An extrovert is therefore more sensitive to dopamine, compared to an introvert. Dopamine is responsible for pushing an extrovert to go for things which could be considered risky, to receive the accompanying high. Because introverts aren’t as sensitive or don’t have as much of it, the desire isn’t as high, and therefore they tend to think before they jump, and analyze information in a particular and careful way.

Did you know? There is some debate over whether extroverts actually produce more dopamine in the brain than introverts do, rather than simply being more sensitive to it.

Are introverts more intelligent than extroverts?

Many people assume that because introverts are thinkers, people who take their time making decisions and prefer to focus and concentrate, this makes them more intellectual than extroverts. This isn’t actually the case. Many IQ tests have shown no difference between extroverts and introverts in terms of how smart they are, but the major difference is in how they work and how they think. They are also better at certain tasks, compared to others.

For instance, extroverts are talented in being able to deal with a lot of information in a short amount of time. They will analyze it quickly and make a decision, therefore influencing an action. An introvert will take too long focusing and analyzing the information, which can lead to burn out. On the other hand, introverts think carefully, much more than an extrovert. An extrovert is far more likely to go for the quick answer to a problem, which may not always be the right choice; an introvert will think before they do anything, often arriving at a more sensible decision.

Another major difference is that introverts tend to think back over past events, or jump ahead to the future and start planning things which haven’t occurred yet. An extrovert is far more likely to live in the here and now. You will often hear an introvert say “what if”, whereas an extrovert is far more likely to deal with what they have in front of them at that very moment.

Did you know? The average human’s IQ is between 90 and 110.

Personality differences across the world

We already know that America is quite an extroverted place. That doesn’t mean every single American is extroverted, but on ~average, this is a country which is loud, proud, and bold. This is also reflected in European and western countries, where the extroverted way of life tends to be more prevalent. When you compare that to Asian countries however, you can see quite a difference.

Cain brings out attention to some famous proverbs from both the east and west, which highlight this difference very clearly.

“The wind howls, but the mountain remains still” ~ Ancient Japanese proverb

“Those who know do not speak, those who speak do not know” ~ Lao Zi

Compare those to these two famous western proverbs.

“Speech is civilization itself. The word, even the most contradictory word, preserves contact ― it is silence which isolates” ~ Thomas Mann

“ Be a craftsman in speech that thou mayest be strong, for the strength of one is the tongue, and speech is lighter than all fighting” ~ The Maxims of Ptahhotep

As you can see, the idea to speak and be heard is far more prevalent in Western countries, compared to the Asian, contemplative way of thinking. Researchers consider this to be due to the Asian community and family model, with the western world being more focused on the individual.

Is it possible to fake your personality type?

We have mentioned that you can stretch yourself from your comfort zone to a certain amount only, before you snap back into your original way of being. With that in mind, is it possible for an introvert to fake extroversion in certain situations?

Susan Cain says it is.

There is an argument over whether we have a fixed personality type, or whether it is more fluid than that, whether it can be changed according to the situation we find ourselves in. Most researchers agree that whilst you retain your original personality type, introverts can become more extroverted in situations which they care about deeply. This is considered to be situational.

Introverts can therefore act extroverted in certain situations which they are passionate about, e.g. in work, but there will always be a point where their true personality type shows itself. For instance, body language will give them away; they may look away for a split second, when an extrovert would hold eye contact firmly.

Did you know? There is a distinct difference between a lack of confidence and being introverted; many introverts are very confident, they simply don’t shout about it

Introverts and extroverts in the world of love

If introverts and extroverts are completely different, sitting at opposite ends of the personality scale, how is it possible that they will get along, and how can they ever fall in love and live harmoniously? The strange thing is that opposites really do attract, and especially in matters of the heart.

Introverts and extroverts make great romantic couples, but there has to be a certain amount of give and take and understanding on both parts. These two types are literally drawn to each other, like the ying to the yang, and it is almost like one completes the other.

Whilst many studies have concluded the extroverts certainly find it easier to speak to people for the first time and therefore develop new friendships, introverts may simply take longer. This all comes down to agreeability.

Agreeable people are loving and supportive, which is a term which encompasses many introverted people. Extroverts are attracted to this, especially if they have a high degree of agreeability in their own personality make up. The key in making a relationship work is communication, understanding, and compromise.

Did you know? On average, extroverts are more likely to get married than introverts, simply because extroverts tend to place more importance upon relationships in order to be happy

If you want your introverted child to thrive, encourage, but understand

Introverted children can have a hard time during their early years, especially if their parents are particularly extroverted. This is often referred to as a “poor parent and child fit”, but that doesn’t mean that you’re a bad parent! What you should do in this situation is to understand your child and encourage them, without pushing them too far.

An extroverted parent may wonder if there is something wrong with their introverted child, and try and push them to socialize and move out of their comfort zone, not understanding that this causes distress to the child. Of course, this is all done out of love and the desire for their child to have the best opportunities in life, but encouraging an introverted child needs to be done in a careful and gentle way

Conclusion

The old adage that extroverted beats introverted is a negative and old view. The world needs a careful balance of both personality types, and for everyone to understand and support their differences accordingly.

Introverts bring as much to the world as extroverts do, they simply do it in a calmer, quieter way. In the words of Mahatma Gandhi, “in a gentle way, you can shake the world.”

Try this:
• Perform the Myers-Briggs personality test and identify what your specific type is.
• Consider those around you and identify whether you believe them to be introverted or extroverted.
• Identify your comfort zone and find ways to gently push yourself out of it, whilst avoiding stress or upset