The Will Power Instinct : Kelly McGonigal PHD - Summarized Books

The Willpower Instinct- How Self Control Works, Why It Matters, And What You Can Do To Get More Of It

Lack of willpower is a true epidemic

Doctor Kelly McGonigal teaches a hugely popular Stanford course which attracts people from all walks of life. Whenever she mentions that she is going to talk about willpower, everyone groans and says they need more of it. It seems that a lack of willpower is something we all deal with!

Willpower gives you the power to control everything in your life, including your emotions, your attention, finances, health, relationships, and success in your career. For that reason, learning how to improve your levels of willpower is a must-do​.

The fact you struggle with willpower shouldn’t make you feel bad. The American Psychological Association states that Americans regularly name low levels of willpower as a reason why they often don’t meet their long-term and short-term goals. This leads to feelings of guilt and feeling out of control. Put simply, we’re all at the whim of our impulses, rather than our conscious choices

Learning how to fail helps you to do better

It might sound counterproductive to suggest that you need to fail in order to do well, but if you don’t know your triggers for failing, how are you supposed to change anything? Our author tells us that the fastest and most effective way to boost your self-control is to watch and understand why you lose control in the first place. This allows you to avoid the common triggers and traps which force you to fail.

Many studies have shown that people assume they have more willpower than they really do. These are the people who are more likely to fail when temptation comes their way. For instance, a smoker might be quite positive about their chances of quitting and resisting the temptation of a cigarette, but those who are more optimistic are more likely to give a few months later. The reason is that they don’t know how to fail, they don’t understand their tipping point. For that reason, self-knowledge is something you need to develop.

I will, I won’t, and I want

Most people assume that not giving in to temptation is what willpower really is. In reality, it’s a little more complex, consisting of three parts of your brain: the “I will” part, “I won’t” part, and “I want” part. If you want to optimize your willpower, you need to figure all three out and work to harness their power. Sometimes the different sides are at odds with each other, causing you to question what to do, and possibly make the wrong choice.

The reason we have willpower is down to evolution, dating back to the days of cavemen and cavewomen, fighting off all types of predators in order to survive. In those days, choices were far more simple, but that doesn’t mean they were less important. Nowadays, we have other decisions and issues and as a result,​ this part of the brain has had to slowly catch up. As a result, the prefrontal cortex, a part of your brain, developed and increased in size.

These days, the prefrontal cortex is larger than in other species, and it controls what you think and how you feel. It’s also about control. This part of your brain is the “I will” section. You also have two other parts very close to it, which control “I won’t”, and “I want”. The key is not to let one part rule the roost and consider all three questions in equal parts

Self-awareness is a vital step towards willpower

In order to develop willpower, you need to understand yourself and why you are doing what you’re doing. Self—awareness is a uniquely human trait, something most animals and mammals don’t seem to have. In many cases, your self—awareness can predict the outcome to an issue or how you’re going to feel about it, and this can help you to make a decision on whether to do it or not.

When you’re faced with a choice which requires willpower, you need to slow down and think about things carefully before deciding. When you’re preoccupied or busy, your brain is far more likely to force you into a choice which is negative, i.e. giving in to temptation and listening to impulses first and foremost.

Surviving threats, all thanks to the ​evolution

Research has shown that self-control isn’t only in the brain, and it’s a body-wide issue too. Your brain gives your body the tools it needs to survive what it perceives to be a threat. For instance, if your brain thinks that you need to run away from a threat, it will give you extra energy, it will force your lungs to work harder to give oxygen, etc. This all dates back to the days when cavemen and cavewomen were roaming the Earth, regular having to run away from saber-toothed​ tigers and other terrifying predators. This is when the “fight or flight” response was formed.

Thankfully we don’t have to run away from big-toothed predators these days, but we have other threats too. Our author gives the example of a strawberry cheesecake. Whilst the cheesecake isn’t going to devour you to your death, it may derail your dietary efforts and affect your health to some degree. This is a threat, but your body needs to deal with it in a different way. In this case, you wouldn’t need the fight or flight option, but you would need the “pause and plan” option.

The pause and plan response is the opposite of speeding up and running away, it is about stopping, waiting, weighing up your response and actions, and then walking away. It calms you down and avoids the internal threat. This response can be measured by heart rate variability.

When you are experiencing stress, your heart rate variability decreases but your heart rate itself goes up. This is when you are in the fight or flight response. When you are in pause and plan, your variability goes up, but your heart rate goes down. You can mimic this by affecting your breathing pattern, and therefore forcing yourself to calm down and make better choices. Our author suggests slowing your breathing to just 4 or 6 breaths every minute, around 10-15 seconds per breath

Flex your self-control in order to make it stronger

You need to think of your self-control as a muscle, i.e. you need to exercise it and flex it, in order to make it stronger.

Self-control becomes tired and depleted if you use it too much. Our author mentions the example of students during “Dead Week” at Stanford University. This is the week when everyone is studying hard for their final examinations, working until late at night and drinking a lot of coffee.

For instance, if you use a lot of willpower and self-control in the early part of the day, you’re likely to run out by mid-afternoon. In that case, plan your day in a more effective way and limit any temptations in the afternoon, when you know that your self-control will be weaker.

Many studies have gone into whether or not sugar can give us a controlled boost, but this is likely to be temporary at best, leading to crashes in the short-term. Of course, you should have snacks when you feel your blood sugar is low, and this will help your willpower levels. However, you should snack on the right types of foods, e.g. low glycemic choices such as lean protein, beans, nuts, grains, cereals, and fruits and vegetables. These will ensure your energy levels remain​ constant, without ups and downs.

The other option is to exercise self-control on a regular basis by choosing one topic every day and working on it. For instance, tell yourself that you’re going to improve your posture, and do your best to actually follow it through. The next day, choose something else.

Just because you do good, doesn’t mean you can do bad

Our brain has a reward system, i.e. when we do something good, we think it’s fine if we do something bad as a result. That means if you’re good in your diet for a full day, you’re allowed a quick treat in the evening because you’ve been so good all day. You’re actually setting yourself up for failure! In order to stay on track, you need to be consistent.​

The human brain is not very good at accounting how good we’ve actually been, in terms of what amount of indulgence we can have as an earning. We come up with reasons which we believe to be logical in order to explain this indulgence, but in reality,​ it’s just an excuse.

Monitor your day and work out whether you use past good behavior as an excuse for something bad, e.g. a treat or doing something you said you wouldn’t. Ask yourself whether that behavior actually moves you towards your goal, or whether it will be a case of one step forward, four steps backward​.

Always remember why you’re doing something, and when you’re struggling with temptation, try and remember the reason why. As a result, you should be able to overcome the temptation. Also, if you’re trying to get around procrastination, ask yourself whether you actually want to deal with the consequences of putting this task off

Why you can’t always trust your brain 

It sounds ridiculous to suggest that you can’t always trust your brain: it’s such a complex organ, how can it ever be wrong? The problem is that your brain contains a rewards system, and it misleads you into thinking that doing something is going to make you happy when in reality it’s simply a hit of feel-good factor.

Let’s talk about dopamine.

When the brain sees something which it thinks could be a great reward, it releases dopamine. Whilst dopamine doesn’t make you happy, it does make you aroused and curious. Your brain confuses this with happiness, and anything which we falsely think is going to make us feel great, triggers this response. This can be anything, even the smell of coffee.

You can’t do your best all the time

You are human and that means at times you’re going to give in, especially if you’re dealing with stress. Your brain is always on the lookout for opportunities to make you feel better when you’re dealing with low mood or a stress response. As a result, it turns towards rewards​ seeking mode. The American Psychological Association reports that the most common ways to deal with stress are linked to dopamine and rewards, namely eating, drinking, TV, video games, shopping, and the Internet.

Deep down you know that buying a new outfit or eating a cake won’t make you feel better, but your brain tries to trick you into thinking it will. Instead, our author suggests trying activities such as sports, general exercise, listening to music, massage, meditating, doing something creative, yoga, socializing with your friends or family, or reading. These activities are linked with the happy hormones in your brains, such as serotonin and oxytocin. These hormones kick out the stress response and turn to heal​ and calmness instead. By using these activities, you’re making the switch towards healing, which is far better than a reward.

Of course, you’re human, and if you do give in to impulses, it’s vital that you forgive yourself and move on

Instant gratification is the fast track to a difficult future

We all put things off until tomorrow when we really can’t be bothered to do them today. This is procrastination at its finest, and using instant gratification often leads to a difficult tomorrow. ​

Daniel Gilbert, a psychologist at Harvard, claims that humans are the only species on Earth who think about the future in a meaningful manner. This can be a good thing, but it can also be a bad thing, when we put things off that we really should be doing in the here and now.

Economists use a theory called “delay discounting”. This means that if you have to wait for a reward, it doesn’t mean as much to you. A small delay can alter the value quite drastically. You can use this method to your greater good. Whenever you think about putting something off, i.e. you’re using delayed gratification, trying to make yourself feel good at​ the moment, wait 10 minutes before making your decision. By waiting, the reward, i.e. not having to do that task today, will feel far less valuable. As a result, you’ll see the consequences of what you’ll face tomorrow, and you’re more likely to get on and complete it right now.

Can you catch willpower?

Have you noticed that when someone you’re speaking to yawns, you suddenly get an overwhelming urge to do the same? Yawning seems to be contagious, and so it willpower! If you surround yourself with people who make good choices and avoid procrastination, the chances are that you will catch this bug and mirror their responses.

The reason is that​ as humans, we are very socially conscious. We care about what others think about us and what we’re doing. We like to think that we have total free will, but in actual fact, our decisions are shaped to a large degree by what we think others will think about us.

The human brain contains something called mirror neurons. These neurons have designated​ the role of helping us to develop empathy, i.e. understanding what others are feeling and experiencing. For instance, when someone cuts their finger, you automatically wince. This is because you can understand that they’re in pain. When this happens, your mirror cells are firing and causing this response.

If you find that you’re giving in to your impulses to a large degree, think about whether you might be mirroring the behavior of other people around you. Do you have a tendency to give in and have another drink when your friends do? Do you opt for a dessert when you really shouldn’t, simply because your friend wanted one?

Identify who you spend your time with whether their opinions of you matter. Surrounding yourself with positive people, those with high amounts of self-​control will allow you to catch the bug

Do you suffer from ironic rebound?

Have you noticed than when you try to not think about something, it becomes almost impossible not to think about it? Maybe you’ve been through a period of not sleeping well, and no matter how hard you tried you simply couldn’t get your brain to relax enough to fall asleep. Researchers have also found that trying to suppress thoughts of someone you’re attracted to can make you think about them even more.

Thought and emotional suppression don’t work​ and simply causes you to increase your likelihood of giving in to impulses. It is far better to acknowledge the emotion or thought and deal with it than try to push it away. It will make itself known regardless!

Think about whether you’re trying to suppress any thoughts or feelings, and whether you actually successfully manage it, or whether they come back stronger than ever.

The single best way to deal with this issue, called “ironic rebound”, is to give up and allow the thought or feeling to simply be. Avoid controlling these thoughts or feelings and they will no longer control you

Conclusion

Understanding that willpower is something we all have problems with helps you to understand more about this somewhat complex subject. Whilst it’s impossible to be 100% self-​controlled all the time, you can do a lot to try and increase your level of self-control and question decisions you’re making before they lead to action.

Try this:
1. How does it feel when you fail to exert willpower? Examine the emotions and responses you have, and work out what your triggers are;
2. Are you suppressing any specific thoughts or feelings? These could be leading you towards the wrong path. Instead, acknowledge them and allow them to float in and out of your life;
3. Do you surround yourself with positive, self—controlled people? We mirror those around us, so maybe it’s time to look at your circle