Emotional Intelligence 2.0

The value of Emotional Intelligence 2.0

Emotions have the power to sweep us away and lead us down paths that are not at all helpful. If you have the ability to avoid that, you can learn strategies and develop your own self-control when understanding your emotions, you can actually prevent bad decisions being made, and negative actions occurring as a result.

Emotional Intelligence 2.0 breaks down the idea of EQ (emotional intelligence) and explains it all in an easy to understand way. From there, you’re given clear guidance and exercises to try in real-time, which will slowly develop your own EQ to higher levels. Of course, you need to know where your starting point is, and as a result, you’ll need to take the EQ 2.0 test. This will give you information on where you are now in regards to your EQ level, and give you an idea of where you aim your efforts.

By increasing your EQ, which is the overall aim of the book, you’ll notice a greater sense of control, improvement in many areas of your life, and a much brighter future to look forward to as a result.

Why do some people succeed and others falter?

Throughout history, there have been countless instances of people who have done well in their lives, people have aimed high and exceeded expectations. On the flip-side, there are equally as many people who have tried extremely hard to reach their goals, but for some reason have always fallen short of the mark. Why is this? If we’re told that hard work conquers everything and if we try hard enough we can have whatever we want in life, why do some people succeed and others don’t seem to make it?

We see these situations all the time and it's almost impossible to answer. Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves believe that these situations can be boiled down to individual levels of emotional intelligence (EQ). Those who have higher levels of EQ are more likely to succeed, while those who have lower levels, who are perhaps ruled by their emotions, are less likely to do as well as they would like.

Emotional intelligence can be broken down into the ability to understand and control your own emotions, but also possessing the ability to understand the emotions and situations of others around you. There are many strategies and techniques you can use to increase your EQ, and throughout the book, these strategies are explained in greater detail.

Are you at the mercy of your emotions?

Everyone has emotions, it is part and parcel of being human, but not everyone is totally ruled by them on a day to day basis. Those who have more control over the way they feel and the reactions they have as a result of their emotions are considered to have a higher level of EQ. This is what you are aiming for.

As humans, we struggle with emotions and this is because the brain is actually forced to pay serious attention to them before reason and logic set in. There is a neurological process that backs this up; every sensory piece of information you take in, be it a smell, a taste or a sound, travels up to your brain via various electric signals. These signals are passed through cells and the spinal cord, finally reaching the brain. However, in order for your brain to make sense of these signals, they need to reach the front part of the brain. In order to do that, they need to make their way through the limbic system.

The limbic system is responsible for emotions, which is why when you see or hear something, you jump to conclusions and feel a certain way before logic sets in shortly afterward. This is the electric signal passing through the limbic system first, producing the emotion, before finally arriving at the sensical part of the brain, where sense and reason prevail.

The good news is that you have more control over all of this than you might think. The limbic system and the rational, the front part of your brain do work together and the higher your EQ, the more in-tune they are with each other. The lower your EQ, the less likely they are to understand each other so well.

The overall aim of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 is therefore to increase your EQ, and avoid those spur of the moment decisions and actions as a result of your heightened emotions.

“Emotions can help you and hurt you. But you have no say in the matter until you understand them”.

The importance of the Emotional Intelligence appraisal 2.0 test

Before you delve into the various strategies contained within the book, you need to find out where your starting point is. To do that, you need to take the Emotional Intelligence 2.0 Appraisal Test.

Through the results collated from this test, Bradberry and Greaves noticed some startling findings. More than 500,000 people were tested in order to identify the role which emotions play in our everyday lives. From that survey, only 36% of people could actually identify the emotion in the heat of the moment. For instance, when you notice your rage building, you might not instantly realize that you’re angry. As a result, you’re more likely to react irrationally at that moment.

That basically means that 2/3 of us are controlled by our own emotions, and therefore have a lower level of EQ.

By taking the appraisal test, you know your main starting point and you can identify the specific areas that are of concern to you. We are all different, and one size does not fit all!

What can increased EQ do for you?

Bradberry and Greaves repeatedly remind us that EQ is about recognizing your own emotions and the emotions of others, but what benefits does that bring? Increased EQ can:

• Affect how we interact with others socially;

• Decide how effectively we make decisions;

• Distinguish our ability to avoid rash decisions and ill-advised actions;

• Show us how effectively we are able to create positive results from our work and our general actions in life;

• Increase the quality of our relationships and interactions with other people.

Bradberry and Greaves also found that those with higher EQ have increased performance at work, which equates to higher earnings. This could equate to an average $29,000 more over a lifetime than someone with a lower level of EQ. That’s a huge amount and certainly worth boosting you EQ for!

“Anyone can become angry — that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way, this is not easy.”

The 4 main EQ competencies explained

Emotional intelligence covers a wide range of different areas, but there are four main competencies which this book focuses on. These fall into two main categories — personal and social.

The main competencies are:

• Personal — Self awareness

• Personal — Self management

• Social — Social awareness

By focusing on these four main competencies you can reach the effects of your increased EQ even further. This means that friendships and romantic relationships will be improved, working relationships with colleagues and your career, in general, will see major leaps forward, the way you feel in yourself and your overall confidence levels, as well as your ability to deal with situations as they arise in a healthier and more rational way.

Boost your brain’s plasticity!

The most basic way to learn is via repetition. This means practice makes perfect! The strategies that are contained within the book are designed to be done over and over again until the brain starts to recognize them as the first port of call reaction. The reason repetition works best is that it increases the brain’s plasticity.

Plasticity is a term that is used to describe the way the brain learns and changes over time. If you want to rewire your brain and change your mindset, you need to use plasticity in order to do it. By increasing your EQ, that’s also what you need to work with.

The brain has the ability to grow, but because it is contained within your skull, it cannot increase in size. What it can do however is develop more connections between brain cells, which effectively increase your ability to handle situations in a more rational way, i.e. increasing your EQ.

This process takes time and that is why you need to practice any strategy you choose to focus on.

Bradberry and Greaves suggest the following method when increasing your EQ levels:

• Take the appraisal test and learn your results.

• Choose an EQ area which you need to work on based on the results of your test. Choose one area at a time, e.g. choose self-awareness first, or choose relationship management first.

• Choose three of the strategies mentioned in the book pertaining to the area you want to focus on. Begin using these three strategies in your daily life.

• Identify someone who is already well-versed in the area you want to change, Bradberry and Greaves call this your “EQ mentor”.

• Practice as much as you can but remember to be patient. This is a gradual process which cannot be rushed.

After a while, take the appraisal test again and measure your progress.

How to increase your self-awareness

The first EQ competency to be focused on within the book is within the personal niche of self-awareness. This means really understand who you are at your very core

“The biggest obstacle to increasing your self-awareness is the tendency to avoid the discomfort that comes from seeing yourself as you really are”.

You might think you know yourself, of course, you do, but do you really understand what makes you tick? Do you understand your emotional triggers? Most people assume they know themselves, but when delving a little deeper they find a lot of surprising information they never realized!

Some good strategies for increasing your self-awareness in your daily life include:

• Avoid labeling specific emotions you experience as either positive or negative. Simply allow the emotions to just “be” and let them flow in and out of your life.

• Observe how emotions feel and the way they affect your body physically.

• Learn to embrace emotional discomfort and not try and run away from it. This will give you increased strength to deal with difficult feelings.

• Understand what your emotional triggers are. This could be a person, a situation, a sound, anything, but they are entirely personal to you.

• Keep a journal of your emotions and look for patterns. This is an effective technique to help you identify triggers.

Challenge your reactions and question the reasons behind them personally.

• Identify your personal values and do your best to align with them at all times.

• Understand how certain films, books, and types of music make you feel and ask yourself why. What types of emotions do they push you towards?

• Ask for feedback from someone you trust to be honest with you.

• Understand how you react when you’re experiencing stress. Is it different from how you normally react, and why?

Boosting your self-management skills

The next area to focus on is your self-management skills. This basically means that you have a strong understanding and control of your emotions and that you are able to avoid rash decisions and actions. Instead, you actively decide what to say and what to do, based on being rational, rather than overly emotional.

A few strategies to help you with your self-management skills.

1) Learning how to focus on your breathing when you feel stressed or under pressure can help you to calm down and avoid saying or doing something you may later regret. In addition, learning how to “count to 10” can help!

2) Also, learn how to make lists that pit emotions and reason again with each other. This will put a situation into perspective and help you make better decisions.

3) Any goals you have, make them public so that you’re far more likely to act on them in a positive way.

4) Understand the importance of sleep and ensure that you get enough sleep every night. This will allow you to be clear-minded and not act quite so emotionally.

5) Developing a positive attitude to life helps you manage your emotions better, so smile and laugh as much as possible!

6) Set aside a little time every day to deal with problems. This means they’re not going to snowball into a huge issue which causes you to feel stressed.

7) Avoid focusing on the things which limit you and instead focus on the things which allow you to achieve positive things.

8) Understand that there is a lesson to be learned from everyone you encounter.

9) Set aside some time for self-care and recharging your mental batteries.

10) The last, and, probably, the most important — accept that change happens and avoid fearing it.

Are you socially aware?

The first component of the social side of the EQ spectrum is the art of being socially aware. This is the ability to be able to identify the feelings and experiences of others.

For instance, maybe you’ve been into a coffee shop and the waitress has been particularly friendly to you because she noticed you look a little down. This waitress, therefore, has a high level of social awareness as part of her EQ picture.

In order to develop this particular skill, you can try the following strategies.

Do your best to greet everyone you meet by their name.

Learn that body language is a vital part of communication and can actually tell you a lot about what is really going on, which words cannot. It’s a good idea to try and focus on how your body language may be projecting to others, while also developing your awareness of others.

Are you guilty of scribbling down endless notes when you’re in meetings? Instead of doing that, listen and watch. You’ll still soak up the knowledge you need, and you might learn a lot more than you bargained for!

Declutter your life, including your living space, your mind, your social circle which may not be serving you well, and any other items or people in your space who are causing you to be blocked mentally and emotionally.

Learn to live right in the moment, rather than jumping to the future in fear, or looking back in regret. Mindfulness meditation is a great way to do this and allows you to appreciate what is around you, whilst also helping you really focus on what is going on in that very second.

Take some time to watch people. You could head out for a coffee and sit taking in what is going on around you. Try and guess what someone might be feeling, or practice reading their body language.

Try and walk a mile in someone else’s shows. Having a high level of EQ also means having a high level of empathy. Try and put yourself in someone else’s shoes and imagine how they may be feeling.

Try and obtain the full picture in every situation, rather than acting on tidbits of information you may learn or feel.

Practice the art of really listening. Most of us don’t actually listen, we just hear. Pay real attention to the words, the speed of someone’s voice, their tone of voice, and their body language to give you the full picture.

Learn the art of relationship management

A successful relationship takes time and a lot of effort. This is something that not everyone understands and the inability to really grasp this concept can lead to a relationship breaking down. Obviously, this then causes heartache and pain, which can take over a person’s life for a considerable length of time afterward.

The ability to have successful relationships all comes down to relationship management. When the honeymoon phase ends, allowing a relationship to continue blooming over the long term requires hard work.

These strategies may help if you find relationship management to be one of your areas to work on.

Always be curious about the relationship and want to learn more about the other person, no matter how long you have been together.

Keep on talking and communicating, ensuring that your communication is positive at all times.

Keep mixed signals out of the equation, these do nothing but cause confusion and upset. Instead, say what you mean in a clear and positive way.

Realize that the smallest things in a relationship can have a huge impact on the other person, so always be mindful of what you say and do.

Always be willing to hear honest and open feedback.

Place a huge amount of importance on building trust between the two of you.

If you become angry, make sure you do it on purpose and that you don’t simply allow a small thing to cause anger to build.

Never avoid a problem which you know is going to come to the fore eventually; face it head-on instead, even if that means having a difficult conversation.

Always acknowledge the emotions and feelings of your partner and never make a negative remark about them.

If you care, show them!

Don’t simply make a decision and leave it at that, instead explain why and how, so your partner understands better.

When something goes wrong, or you have a difficult conversation, offer a solution to the problem, or a way to try and make things better.

Conclusion

Increasing your level of EQ will have a profound effect on your life in many different ways. By focusing on the strategies mentioned in the book, you’ll notice your confidence is on the rise, which also has a rather beneficial effect of making you feel more upbeat and happier overall.

Take the Emotional Intelligence 2.0 Appraisal test and find out your EQ starting point.

Keep a journal of your emotions, noting down how you felt on a particular day, and what might have made you feel that way. This will allow you to identify your triggers.

Take yourself out for the afternoon and sit people watching. Try and work out how you think people might be feeling and watch their body language for clues.

Books

Emotional Intelligence 2.0 - Travis Bradberry, Jean Greaves | Summarized Books