How To Stop Worrying And Start Living - Dale Carnegie

How To Stop Worrying And Start Living

Why living for today will banish your worries

One of the main reasons for worry and stress is the fact that we’re no longer living in the moment: we’re either lamenting something that happened in the past, or becoming stressed about something that hasn’t even happened yet, or may never happen. Dale Carnegie explains the idea first brought about by Sir William Osier, teaching us to live in “day-tight compartments”.

This means that you should live in a compartment which is firmly in the here and now. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t begin to plan for tomorrow and the future, but the best way to do that is to live to the best of your ability today, to create opportunities for the time to come.

“Our thoughts make us what we are”

Most people don’t realise that the power to control our thoughts is in our own hands. Good thinking is positive and causes us to plan in a constructive way, but bad thinking simply leads to stress, tension, and the possibility of a nervous breakdown. Instead, why not focus on living your life today, until bedtime, and don’t think further on than that?

Carnegie gives the example of a lady called Mrs. Shields who became desperate and almost suicidal after the death of her husband. Everything changed when she learned to live in the moment, looking no further than bedtime. She heard the words “every day is a new life to a wise man”, and it completely altered her life for the better.

Live in compartments which are air tight, firmly in the here and now.”

A 3-step guide to waving worries away

Banishing your worries could be as simple as applying the 3-step guide given to our author by Willis H Carrier, the famous engineer.

• Analyze the situation and decide on the worst possible outcome
• Accept worst case scenarios, e.g. you may lose your job, but also realize that if that happens, you can get another one
• Work toward improving the worst case scenario, which you have already accepted in your mind

This guide can be used in any situation

What worry really does to your health

“Businessmen who do not know how to fight worry, die young” ~ Dr. Alexis Carrel

We focus so much on medical issues, such as smallpox and other diseases, giving immunisations and raising awareness, but you rarely hear about the major health risks of worry and anxiety.

Worry can cause:

• Stomach ulcers, which if left untreated can be fatal. A study by the Mayo Clinic showed that out of 15,000 patients treated for stomach problems, 4/5 of them had no actual physical reason for the problem. Instead, they had worry, fear, selfishness, hate issues.
• Arthritis and rheumatism
• Tooth decay
• Overactive thyroid, possibly leading to total burn out
• High blood pressure, which can affect the heart

Put simply, worry can be fatal and it’s important to find ways to deal with it, including relaxation via sleep, laugher, music, and religion.

Analysing your worries will lead to clarity

Learning how to analyze your worries will give you a clearer mind, and in the end, you will realize that there really was nothing to actually spend time worrying about. Our author gives the example of Galen Litchfield, one of the most successful businessmen within the Asian region. Litchfield puts his success down to the ability to be able to analyse his worries, because it allows you to really examine the reason for your worries.

Try this:
• Identify what the problem actually is
• Identify what the cause of the problem is
• Come up with all possible solutions to the problem
• Identify the best solution

By asking yourself those questions you’re dealing with your worries in a methodical and focused way. This takes away the emotional aspect and allows you to think with greater clarity.

The Art Of Keeping Busy

The best way to break the damaging cycle of worry is to fill your mind with other things, so there is no space for the worry to seep in. Psychology tells us that there is no mind on Earth that can focus on more than one thing at a time. That means, if you stay busy and fill your mind with other things, you won’t spend time dwelling on the worry.

Winston Churchill famously said, “I’m too busy, I have no time for worry”, at the height of the war when he was making huge decisions that shaped the future of the world.

Our author also gives us a poignant example of a former student who tragically lost two of his children. Crippled with grief, his remaining child asked him to make him a toy boat. Of course, he didn’t feel like it, but he did it anyway. He realised that whilst he was focusing on making that boat, he wasn’t thinking about his worries.

Stay busy, keep making plans and following them through, and you won’t have space in your brain for worries. Most of our worries seem huge at the moment, but when we look back at them, perhaps during really serious times, we realise that we spent a lot of time worrying about insignificant things.

What Are The Chances?

Ask yourself clearly what the chances are that the event or thing you’re worrying about is actually going to happen. According to the law of averages, what are the chances? By stopping to ask yourself that question, you’ll realise that most of the things we worry about have statistically very slim chances of actually occurring in real life.

A a child, our author was terrified of thunderstorms, of being struck by lightning, and also of being buried alive. Years later he realised how ridiculous those fears were, because according to the law of average it was highly unlikely to ever happen. We can usually get rid of the overwhelming number our worries by actually putting them into perspective and asking ourselves whether they have any chance of really happening.

If you can do this, you will eventually learn to break the cycle of worry, and the habit it becomes.

We should also learn to accept the things we can’t change, and adjust to life as they are. As a child, our author tore his finger off, after his ring got caught on a nail when he was jumping. At the time he was terrified he was about to die, but after treatment, when everything was fine, he just got on with life and adjusted. He now lives without that finger, and rarely thinks about it.

A cathedral in Amsterdam sums this point up perfectly, with a Flemish inscription which says “it is so. It cannot be otherwise”. Don’t waste time and energy trying to change the things which are “so

How Much Worry Is it Worth?

We tend to throw too much time and effort at the things which truly aren’t worth it. This is true of worry, when we continue to think and go over a situation, becoming more and more nervous about it in our minds. What we should do instead is ask how much worry is it really worth? At what point do we need to stop worrying and accept the situation as it is?

When you find yourself in a cycle of worry and anxiety, stop and ask where your stop-loss point is, i.e. at what point do you stop worrying and let it go? By giving every worry a limitation, you’re not allowing it to control you, and become a huge, swirling mass of anxiety

“One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon — instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today”

This is often the case when dwelling on things that have happened in the past. You can’t change what has been and gone, so surely that’s a waste of time? Our author says “don’t saw sawdust”, and that means stop worrying about things that have gone. Your stop-loss level needs to create a full stop to the issue in your mind

Changing Your Attitude And Moving Toward Happiness

Happiness is a choice. This is something everyone has heard before, but it is also a truth. Worry is also a choice, because we have the power to change our thoughts and therefore banish worry, if we work hard enough to do so. By changing your mindset towards a happier setting, you banish worry and give it less of a chance of entering into your future thoughts.

There are some useful ways to create a mindset which puts you in a happier frame of mind, but also a more peaceful one.

• Choose positivity over negativity — Marcus Aurelius, famous philosopher of the Roman Empire said “our life is what our thoughts make it”. If you think fearful ideas and thoughts, your life will be full of fear. If you think happy thoughts, your life will be happier. Control your negative thoughts and turn them into positives.
• Forget your enemies — Holding grudges and trying to get even with old adversaries does nothing but give the power back to them. You lose sleep, you become nervous, your blood pressure rises, the list goes on. Your enemies don’t deserve this power. An article in Time Magazine tells us that the main characteristic of someone with persistent high blood pressure, is resentment. Remember that nobody can upset you or disturb your time unless you allow them to do so.
• Don’t expect gratitude — Being grateful is not a natural human trait, it is something which has to be taught and learned. If you live your life expecting others to be grateful for the things you do for them, and then becoming angry when they don’t, you will live a life of disappointment. Do things because you can and want to, not to receive thanks in return.
• Count your blessings — Our author tells us about a businessman who lost everything. He was walking down the street feeling completely defeated when he came across a man who had lost his legs. The man had fashioned a wheelchair of sorts out of a plank of wood and some skates attached to it, and he stopped and smiled at the man, full of positivity and happiness. From that point on, the man realised he had more than he thought. “I had the blues because I had no shoes. Until upon the street, I met a man who had no feet”. Always count your blessings.
Just be yourself — There is nobody else on the planet like you, so why try and be someone else? Don’t try and fit in, don’t feel bad about the way you look or the things you can’t do, instead just be yourself. Trying to be something you’re not is exhausting anyway.
• Do good deeds for others — By doing something good for someone else every day, you make yourself feel better, you make them feel better, and you foster a positive and upbeat attitude, which worries can’t break.

Why criticism is actually a compliment

When we receive criticism from others, whether just or unjust, it’s easy to retreat backward, feeling negative about it and starting to worry. What you need to realise is that unjust criticism, in particular, is actually a backhanded compliment.

When someone criticizes you without reason, it’s normally because you are doing something which makes you stand out, i.e. you’re achieving something which makes people stand up and take notice. Most people get a kick out of knocking down people who have raised themselves up, and this comes in the form of unfair and sometimes hurtful criticism. Learn to take this as a compliment and you will overcome such problems in the future. As long as you are doing the best you can, criticism shouldn’t bother you.

“Nobody kicks a dead dog”

Of course, some criticism can be positive, i.e. constructive, and gives us a platform on which to learn. Our author keeps a folder called FTD — footings I have done. In this, he writes the things he has done which he feels negative about. He reads it on occasion and uses the information to learn.

Remember that nobody is perfect and that we shouldn’t try to be either

Banishing mental and emotional fatigue

Studies have shown that the brain rarely gets truly tired from physical activity or mental work, but it becomes fatigued and exhausted by emotional worries. Respected psychiatrist, J A Hadfield, said “the greater part of the fatigue from which we suffer is the mental origin; in fact, exhaustion of purely physical origin is rare”.

To help you overcome such fatigue, our author suggests the following:
• Take regular rests — By resting on a regular basis you increase your physical resistance to illness but you also increase your mental resistance to unhelpful emotions and worry.
• Understand what makes you tired — Check in with yourself throughout the day and see how you feel. If you feel tired, are you hunched over, holding tension in your neck and shoulders, squinting your eyes, scowling? These are signs of holding nervous tension within your body and contribute to nervous fatigue. Take breaks, exercise, relax.
Take time for yourself — Our author talks about how a housewife can avoid fatigue and stay young, but this advice holds true to all situations. Making time for yourself, e.g. relaxing, stretching, doing exercise in general, and building a community around you, helps to banish worries and stress.
• Learn how to work smarter — There are four main ways to help prevent worry and fatigue at work: clearing your desk of everything you don’t need right at that moment, prioritising tasks in order of importance, solving problems straightaway, and learning how to organise and supervise.
• Banish boredom — One of the main contributors to worry and fatigue is boredom. A photographer returned home from work with a headache, backache, and generally feeling tired. She received a phone call from her boyfriend, asking her to a dance, and she was immediately rejuvenated. She felt that way due to boredom. Kick out boredom and keep challenging yourself, distracting yourself, and making sure that you’re focused throughout the day.

Sleep Matters

Insomnia is a huge problem the modern day, but actually worrying about not sleeping can be a bigger problem.

Everyone needs a certain amount of sleep, with some needing more than others. The problem is, when you worry about not sleeping, you’re making it harder for you to sleep in the first place. Our author tells us about one of his students who struggled with insomnia, concentrating on the clock and becoming ever more stressed about his lack of sleep. He went to the doctor who told him that if he wanted to overcome it, he had to stop worrying about it, and realise that he was getting rest regardless of whether he was asleep anyway. By understanding that, the man began to sleep far better and his nervous problems went away.

A professor at the University of Chicago, Dr. Kleitman, also says that people who have insomnia actually sleep more than they realise.

If you can’t sleep:
• Get up and read until you feel tired
• Don’t worry about not sleeping, it’s not going to hurt you
• Relax your mind and body
• Do some exercise to tire yourself out physically
• Try prayer, if that works for you

Work And Money Matters

When we are young, we are forced to make a decision about what we want to do with our lives, e.g. the career we want to follow. This is a very stressful decision which can cause a lot of anxiety and worry. It’s important to realise that throughout a person’s life, it’s entirely possible to have a range of different jobs and careers, perhaps failing in some and succeeding others.

The best way to deal with this decision is to listen to what you want, seek out reliable advice, and do your best to remain calm about the reality; this decision can and probably will change over time.

In addition, one of the biggest reasons that people worry is to do with money. Most think that if they could increase how much money their earn, their worries will disappear, but this rarely works. The best way is to become smarter with money and create a budget.

• Write down all the figures accurately
• Get advice and create an affordable budget
• Learn how to spend properly and wisely
• Don’t give yourself a bigger headache by taking on more expenses than you can afford
• Build up your credit rating for the future
• Insure yourself against emergencies, such as fire or illness
• Avoid having your life insurances paid completely to your widow in cash
• Teach your children how to be money savvy
• Look into ways of earning money on the side
• Avoid gambling at all costs

Above all else, simply do what you can to improve the situation, realise that you are doing your very best, and stop wishing for things which cannot be. If you can do that, you’ll reduce and banish most of your money worries.

Conclusion

Learning to stop worrying will be the catalyst to change your life completely. It won’t happen overnight, and it is something you will need to work at, but once you notice changes, celebrate them and continue to focus on the things you need to work on.

Understanding that we have control over our own thoughts, and therefore our own worries is a lightbulb moment, and once you realise how to change those thoughts into positives, rather than worry-filled negatives, you will notice a brighter, happier future.

Try this:
1. Count your blessings — write down five things in your life that you are grateful for
2. Do a good deed for someone else every day
3. Change every negative thought you have into something positive