Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man - Steve Harvey | Summarized Books

Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man : What Men Really Thinks About Love, Relationship, Intimacy, And Commitment

It is natural for a man to put success before love in his life

The drive of a man is very much different from the drive of a woman. While a man and a woman might want the same thing, say that thing is to “get to the top at work, get married, have four kids”, the man will go about it very differently than the woman. Where the woman would be able to multitask and work hard at her job while still pursuing the relationship that would lead to the family she dreams of, the man has a one-track mind and cannot multitask. He has to take everything one step at a time, and for him, the first step will always be a ​success in business. Every other thing comes after. It is not his fault.

From the moment a man is born into the world, he is told that he needs to be big and strong, a provider, and a boss at something. It makes sense why everything he is concerned with at first is establishment. He wants to be established before he goes after the other things he wants for himself.

For him, the three important things are:

• Who is he
• What he does
• How much he makes

These are the key things that let him know if he is fulfilling his dream and doing what he feels makes him a man. When a man does not have answers, he finds satisfactory to those three things, he would feel worthless until he gets where he wants to be. In such a state, the last thing on his mind would be his relationship with a woman.

For women,​ it is so much easier to discover who you are with your partner, do what you do with the support of your partner, and build up your income to your desired figure, all with your partner by your side. Unfortunately, men lack the focus it takes to do this. They can only focus on one thing at a time, it is either work or you, and they will certainly choose work until they get where they want to be.

Men will also choose to ​work over relationships because it is a huge part of their DNA to want to be the boss at something, if not everything. They want to have the best cars and the best houses, and they want everyone to know who they are. They want the women to see it and know that they are an alpha male and a total catch, and they want the men to see and wish they were like them. It is a thing they cannot help, the need to show off, and this drives them to try to make sure they have something to show off.

If they have not gotten to the point where they are sure of themselves and where they are headed, they will have no time for a woman in their lives.

Men do not know how to love like a woman. A man’s love language is completely different from a woman’s love language

The love of a woman is one of the most miraculous things in the world. A woman’s love is doting, she can drop everything to spend a week spoon-feeding a man she loves soup and checking his temperature every night when he is sick. Her love takes a priority position right at the top of her list, she can respond to her man’s message under the table at work, in the middle of a very important meeting, even if the message was just an unimportant “I love you” text. Her love is selfless, kind, and vulnerable.

Men are capable of love too, but certainly not in the same way. A man that loves you might not leave everything to come to you bearing soup and a thermometer when you’re sick, he might not respond to every text or tell you how he loves you to the moon and back even while in a meeting, but it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you.

Many women don’t realize that a man’s love is not the same as a woman’s love, and so they begin to have doubt and become unsettled when he does not love them the way that they love him. This should not be so. A man does not love in the way that a woman does. When women expect to receive love the same way they show it, it is erroneous. However just because a man’s way of showing love is different does not mean he doesn’t love his woman.

Men typically show love in three different ways known as “the three P’s” by the author.

Profess: One of the ways to know if a man loves you, despite his love being different from yours, is if he has professed his love for you. This profession goes beyond telling only you that he loves you. If he loves you, he will want everyone to know that he does. A man that loves you would not be afraid of a title. He would not introduce you to a group by just your name or call you a friend, he will boldly say your position in his life, be it girlfriend, mother of his children, fiancee or wife. This is his way of claiming you, letting everyone know that he is with you, and you are with him, so there is no room for any funny business, nobody can flirt with him because he belongs to you, and nobody can flirt with you because you belong to him.

Provide: It is expected of every man from the day he is born, to provide for those that he loves, so definitely, provision translates to love where a man is concerned. If a man loves you, then you will begin to see it in how he provides for you. He will pay for dinner, movie tickets, and anything else he can pay for when it involves you. A man that loves you will notice all of your needs before you even mention them, and start making preparations to meet them. Rest assured that even if he does not have all the money in the world, he will do his best to provide for you. Anything you ask for would be on his mind to do for you.

Protect: Men are raised to be protectors. They are taught to defend those that they love, especially the women that they love. Right from childhood, boys are protective of their mothers and of their sisters, and if he does not begin to exhibit that need to protect you, then he does not love you. He will rise to defend you when someone does you wrong, even if that person is also important to him, like his friend, or a member of his family. He will not hesitate to fight for you if you are attacked, not being afraid to get a bruise or two in his attempt to protect you. It is simply in his nature to do this, and so if he stays quiet when you are attacked in his presence, he does not love you.

In this day and age, men have formulated the term “gold digger”. They claim that they are getting used by women who do nothing but reap the fruits of their hard labor, but this is only a means they use to try to shy away from performing their duty and providing for women. This has led women to begin to take matters into their own hands and taking the place of the man by paying for dinner and more. This is not supposed to be so, put your purse and credit card away, as a woman, it is your right to expect a man to pay for dates and provide for you, and if he shies away from doing these things, then he does not truly want you. A man that truly loves you will want to take care of you and if you refuse him the privilege of doing things like paying for your dinner, it would hurt him and make him feel less needed and wanted.

In a relationship, there are only three things that a man absolutely must have, whereas a woman needs many things

In relationships, women tend to want a lot of things, they want to love, pampering, good sex, loyalty, support, money, time, clothes, shoes, luxury vacations, and the password to their man’s phone. It is even joked about in a society that to date a woman you could give her the whole world and still not have given everything she wants from you. While this is not untrue, it does not mean that women truly expect each one of these demands to be met, she happily takes those which are given, those which she personally feels are most important. The combination of​ what is “most important” is different for each woman though, women are different and complicated.

For men, however, they don’t ever really need so much from their woman. All men typically need just the ​next three things.

Support: Men need a cheerleader in their lives. They go out every day​, no matter their job, race, religion or status, and they face the world, they brave the storm. It is never easy and it takes a toll on them so they need someone who can make them feel like a king even when they are not. They need someone who will encourage them at their lows and celebrate with them through the highs. For them, life is a battle and they need their woman to be in their corner cheering them on, motivating them to fight harder to succeed.

Loyalty: Men need to know that you will always choose them. In a relationship, a man is desperate to be sure of his woman’s loyalty to him. He needs to know that she is by his side no matter what. He needs to know that he could lose his job, but she would still be beside him, unwavering. He needs to know that she could walk out and see a more handsome, more rich, more powerful man, but she would still come back home to him and not even think about choosing them over him. For a man, nothing is more important than knowing his woman is solidly by his side.

Sex: This much is obvious and should be very expected. In a relationship, men need sex. For men, sex is like air, they simply cannot go without. Typically, women have more control over their sexual desire since they are taught to curb and subdue it from childhood, but men do not have the same boundaries, and as such, men are not good at holding out for too long, especially when in a relationship with the woman they love. For men, sex is the highest form of intimacy in a relationship, and so they need an active sex life with their partner in order to be happy.

Women like to talk about things in a relationship, but talking is not men’s strong suit

For women, talking does not need to have a purpose. Women can talk about a problem or something that happened at the office, just because talking is therapeutic, but men do not understand how this works. For a man, the words “We need to talk” could only mean they are either in trouble with you for doing something wrong, or you literally just want to talk. Neither of those two options appeals​ to a man.

Men don’t find the prospect of sitting for hours getting lectured for something they did very comforting, nor do they find the prospect of sitting with you to giggle and gossip fun either.

For men, talking always has to have a purpose. Men do not understand the concept of venting. For a man, when they listen to you, they see themselves as a doctor or engineer listening to complaints and are ready to dole out solutions. When you complain about your coworker Lucy who makes it a point to come into your office to tell you all about her daughter and hint at when you will have your own children, it is in his nature to try to offer solutions. He might suggest that you simply tell her off instead of letting her rile you up since it bothers you so much. He might even suggest that you begin to try to have a kid if that would make her words bother you less. ​

To you, it was never about finding a solution to the problem. It was just about sharing the problem and having someone to echo your frustration back at you. It never quite sits right when you attempt a rant or a vent and then your man rains on your parade by burying you in possible solutions.

To him, he does not understand why you are angry that he provided you with a solution, as far as he is concerned, he has fixed your problem and you have no reason to be bothered anymore. You must understand that it is just in his nature, men are plagued with the attitude of “just fix it”, which makes them want to fix or save absolutely everything they come across, including those things you don’t need them to fix.

Conclusion

Men and women are very different, but this is not a bad thing if women understand how men think. Relationships fail, or stagger, because women don’t understand men and tend to expect men to act and think the same way that they do, but it is impossible, men cannot ever act like a woman or love the way a woman expects them to love, understanding the way men think, ​however, is the key to building a solid and unfailing relationship that runs smoothly without misplaced expectations.

More and more men are beginning to use the term “gold digger” on any woman who exercises her right to be taken care of by expecting that the man she is with pays her expenses and provides for her. They do this to try to cheat women and get what they want without giving anything in return. When you go on a date with a man, always have enough on you to cover your expenses, just in case,​ he tries any funny business, but never go out expecting to pay. If a man you go on a date with has qualms about paying for you, either by complaining about paying while he does so, or just not even acting like he knows he should pay, then you can take out your money and pay for yourself, but just know that he is not the man for you. If you are having a pleasant enough time, you can continue the evening without any hopes for anything significant coming out of the relationship, but if you weren’t particularly enjoying yourself in the first place, then that moment after you pay is the perfect time to leave